Impending Doom The Musical
by Invader Jed
Summary: Dib decides to sell Zim to the Almighty Tallest and it all goes horribly wrong... Songs from Les Miserables, The Lion King, Beauty and the Beast and Jesus Christ Superstar! Review!
1. Act One

Impending Doom - The Musical  
  
Music from various musicals (see disclaimer) and lyrics by Julie Danskin. Performers listed in programme.  
  
Disclaimer : Ahem! Greetings foul Earth thingies. I am the lyric writer of ZIIM and I present to you Impending Doom the musical. I do not own any of the characters or music, but I MADE THE LYRICS AND PLOT UP! Sorta. Yeah man I dead I mean I did coz I rock man. Yeah baby. Ok. Julie is frightening herself now. Ok! On with the programme :  
  
Performers : Invader Zim, GIR, Dib Membrane, Gaz Membrane, Professor Membrane, Ms. Bitters and of course the Almighty Tallest and the choruses.  
  
ACT ONE :  
  
Opening - Outside the Skool - Just can't wait to beat Zim - Performed by Dib  
  
Corridor - Walking to class - Can you feel the pain tonight? - Performed by Gaz and Dib  
  
Great and Mighty Weapon Thingy - Zim's Lair - Evil One - Performed by GIR and Zim  
  
GIR alone - Zim's Lair - I don't know how to serve him - Performed by GIR  
  
Dib and Zim - Skool - The Last Lesson - Performed by Dib, Zim and Ms. Bitters  
  
Tallest - Zim's Lair - Tallest and Zim - Performed by Zim, GIR and Almighty Tallest  
  
Zim's Quest - Dib's House - What's your quest? - Performed by Dib, GIR and Zim  
  
Bonding Rivals - Dib's Room - Big Head and the Irken - Performed by GIR  
  
Gaz's Scariness - Dib's Room - Not on my brother do you pound - Performed by Gaz, GIR, Dib and Zim  
  
Betrayal (sorta) - Dib's Room - Damned for all time/Irk Monnies - Performed by Dib and Almighty Tallest  
  
OK! LET THE FUN BEGINNNN!!!!!!!!  
  
OPERATION IMPENDING DOOM - THE MUSICAL  
  
Act One - Scene One (The Lion King)- The street outside the Skool, Dib and Gaz are walking to school and as the bell hasn't rung yet, they stand idly in the playground, Dib is dreaming out loud of defeating Zim:  
  
I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO BEAT ZIM (I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO BE KING)  
  
Dib: I'm gonna beat the "mighty" Zim, so watch out, creep, beware!  
  
Gaz: I really can't be bothered Dib, You're gonna make me wanna scare!!  
  
Dib: Soon people will see the truth, The truth about that Zim! I'll stop him soon, I'll stop him now I'm more ready than before!  
  
Gaz: Why are you so obsessed with stupid Zim?  
  
Dib: Oh, I just can't WAIT to beat Zim! No one saying shut up  
  
Gaz: Now I'm gonna give you-  
  
Dib: No one saying you're weird!  
  
Gaz: You stupid-  
  
Dib: I'll be dad's star!  
  
Gaz: Why I oughtta-  
  
Dib: Of the YEAR!  
  
Gaz: I'LL KILL YOU!  
  
Dib: I'll just expose Zim  
  
Gaz: Oh, Dib, give it a-  
  
Dib: They'll make me President one day!  
  
Gaz: I think, dear brother, that it's time We went our separate ways  
  
Dib: But Gaz, I need your help On my inventions . . . la la la  
  
Gaz : If this is what you'll be like, Then I'll chop out my own heart.  
  
Away from you, away from Dad and Zim Yes I really think we should part I won't hang about! This brother of mine is one big weird thing!  
  
Dib: Oh, I just can't WAIT to beat Zim! Come on, Gaz, help me!  
  
Come on, Gaz, help me!  
  
I'm sure if we win - -  
  
There'll be monnies!!  
  
Gaz: Are you sure?  
  
If that's the truth then I'll help you beat Zim, But I want 50% split right clean!  
  
Dib: You drive a hard bargain, but you win, It'll be worth it when I get the last grin! It's gonna be Dib Membrane's greatest thing!  
  
Oh I just can't wait to beat Zim!  
  
Oh I just can't wait . . .  
  
Gaz: What? OH - He just can't wait-  
  
Dib and Gaz: TO BEAT ZIM!  
  
(Lights go out and Gaz and Dib go inside the school)  
  
CAN YOU FEEL THE PAIN TONIGHT? (CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT?)  
  
Gaz: I can see it flowing-  
  
Dib: What?  
  
Gaz: Green and crisp and new  
  
Dib: Huh?  
  
Gaz: I wonder how many GameSlave games I could buy anew?  
  
Dib *chuckles*: Oh.  
  
Gaz: Dib, don't spoil my spotlight, Or I swear I'll kill you, After of course I've earned my millions- And stolen all of yours!  
  
Dib: Uhh-  
  
Gaz: Can you feel the pain tonight? The evil of school bells ring- They make me, for once, shiver with delight At the thought of all those things,  
  
That will one day worship me, When I am great, famous, wonderful, And a house full of new things- Pain is all I'll bring!  
  
Zim's holding back, he's hiding, But Dib, he just can't see- Our cunning plan to be put in motion, That'll bring him to his knees!  
  
Dib: Oh, sis, I think you've got it there! Yes you're in this thing! After all this time, I've tried to tell you- My message has finally ringed!  
  
Gaz: Can you feel the pain tonight? The pain tomorrow brings? Dib, you fool, I don't care if he's an alien- I only want what his capture brings!  
  
Dib: CAPTURE! Gaz, that's it! I'll get in touch with the Almighty Tallest- I'll sell Zim to them, where no one knows him- Yes our bet is sealed with Zim!  
  
Gaz: You work out how to link with them These Tallest things of which you speak- And get him here, into our household, Yes then we'll make him squeak!  
  
Dib: YES!  
  
(Laughter from Dib as the curtain falls and the lights dim and the audience go crazy. Yes, crazy. They cannot control their excitement. APPLAUD FILTHY HUMAN STINKBUGS! APPLAUD!)  
  
Act One - Scene Two (Jesus Christ Superstar *1) - Meanwhile, in Zim's lair, Zim and GIR are building a huge weapon that will destroy Earth (Not heard that one before!) but it needs some more work and Zim needs to go to school, and while he gets his bag ready GIR sings with the squirrels:  
  
CRAZY ZIM (SUPERSTAR)  
  
GIR: Everytime you tell me things I don't understand- What the hell is going on, I must be damned! Simple explanations to your impossible plans, Why'd we come to kill the Dib in such a strange land? But Master you are the boss even though it's obvious, It's not Dib that hates you as much as the Tallest!  
  
Squirrel Chorus: Crazy Zim, Crazy Zim, What are you, stupid? You must be really dim! Crazy Zim - "Invader Zim" - Do you really think that's who you are?  
  
GIR: Tell me if you think my chirpy friends are wrong, I just think that they're really enjoying this song! Seriously, sir, I'm your only friend! Why would I lie if it meant my own end? Do you want us to die? Is this all a joke, or Are you stupider than me and think the Tallest think you're cool?  
  
Squirrel Chorus repeats.  
  
(Zim ignores GIR's warning and gets ready to leave for Skool)  
  
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SERVE HIM (I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE HIM)  
  
Zim(spoken): Bye, GIR! Be good, and don't destroy any important factors of our latest con! For we must INVEST! YES! INVEST! MWA-HAHAHAHHAHA!  
  
(Zim exits, and GIR is left alone)  
  
GIR: Go to Skool my taco supplier, And forget all about the Tallest just now.  
  
I don't know how to serve him, What to give, how to show him, The Tallest are bad. Yes really bad, Even though they have a great taste in snacks, They really want Zim dead!  
  
I don't know how to tell him! I don't think I am working. He's an Irk. He's just an Irk- Someone has to tell him something's wrong- Before something - uh - goes wrong! Oh so wrong.  
  
Should I tell him now, should I scream and dance? Should I shriek of food, should I run and prance? I always thought the Almighties were cool! Now I feel like one big fool!  
  
Don't you think it's a bit funny, I should feel like this for Zim? I'm the one who never cares! Who screams and shouts, takes great big pouts! Man I love this show! Zim scares me so! He's not quite as scary as Gaz! But he's very mad!  
  
Yet if we're going to pay, For what only Zim did, So long ago, I want a taco. It hurts my brain - I'm less insane! I just don't want it, no! Gaz scares me so. Tallest want Zim so. I feel alone.  
  
TACOS!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(GIR begins to cry and the curtain falls dramatically and the audience are stunned into silence. SILENCE! SILENCE! STOP APPLAUDING AND AWWING! NOW! SILENCE! FOR EFFECT, YOU FOOLS!!!!!!! FOOOOOOOLLLLLSSSS!!!!!!!)  
  
Act One - Scene Three (Still JCS*1) - In the Skool Classroom  
THE LAST LESSON (THE LAST SUPPER)  
  
Kids: Look at all my tests and assessments, Sinking in a lovely calming bell. Don't disturb me now, I'm running from the classroom, Before Ms Bitters catches me with this red wine! Always hoped that I'd make it through Nursery, Knew that I would make it if I cried- So when I grew up I could do absolutely nothing, And watch my children do the same thing - life is fine!  
  
Zim: The end- Of the Earth will soon be done, my friends. For all you know, these clothes disguise an Irken! For all you know, this hair is not real! THE END! MWAHAHHAHA! These are the clothes you see, This is the wig you believe! If you will remember me, just before you die!!  
  
I must be mad thinking I'll be remembered - yes - I must be out of my head! Look at your dumb faces, You humans know nothing! Except for the one with the big head!  
  
One of you, though, knows me, One of you, though, sees me!  
  
Kids: Huh? What's he on about? He's weird!  
  
Zim: Yes you silly humans, go on, insult me! Soon will you all will see, My ultimate power, but one of you knows me! And will try to stop me-  
  
Dib: Shut it up, Zim! You know very well who-  
  
Zim: I thought you'd do it!  
  
Dib: You want me to do it?  
  
Zim: Come on, try stop me!  
  
Dib: You don't know how I'll do it!  
  
Zim: I don't care how you do it!  
  
Dib: I always couldn't stand you, But now I despise you!  
  
Zim: You liar - you human!  
  
Dib: You want me to stop you! You like a challenge, What if I just stepped back, And let you complete your mission? The Tallest wouldn't care!  
  
Ms. Bitters: Dib, you, shut up! And Zim, you fool - go back to your seat!  
  
Kids: Look at all my tests and assessments, Sinking in a lovely calming bell- What's that big skull said? It's gone from my head, Something about Zim being evil - oh who cares? Always hoped that I'd make it through Nursery, Knew that I would make it if I cried- So when I grew up I could do absolutely nothing, And watch my children do the same thing - life is fine!  
  
Dib: You're sad and pathetic, Zim! Look you don't even know, Your masters do hate you! And the strangest part of all- You don't seem to listen, Like you don't want to believe!  
  
A strange sight is this Zim you don't know who-  
  
Ms Bitters: SIT DOOOOWNNN!  
  
Zim: Oh so who else than you, Despises me and knows?  
  
Dib: Every time I look at you I don't understand How you can't know - they have you in the palm of their hand! I know they exiled you, God Zim, they have it planned! Oh oh ohhhh!  
  
Kids: Look at all my tests and assessments, Sinking in a lovely calming bell. Don't disturb me now, I'm running from the classroom, Before Ms Bitters catches me with this red wine! Always hoped that I'd make it through Nursery, Knew that I would make it if I cried- So when I grew up I could do absolutely nothing, And watch my children do the same thing - life is fine!  
  
(Curtain falls and opens again in Zim's lair with Zim, GIR and the Almighty Tallest (Red and Purple) on the screen):  
  
TALLEST AND ZIM (PILATE AND CHRIST)  
  
Zim (spoken angrily) : I want him dead, my Tallest. He could spoil everything.  
  
Red: Oh no, what a shame. Well, Purple, at least we have someone else to blame!  
  
Purple: Shh! Zim, what do you want us to do? Surely this -Dib- creature must be sorted by you?  
  
Red: Tell me, Zim, are you gonna fight? Or are you going to give up the plight? Do you want Irk over Earth to reign? Or will you sit till you're even more insane?  
  
Purple: Do you think that would get it done? After all the work you've run, Chasing here and chasing there, I think it's time this Dib had his share.  
  
Red (aside to Purple so Zim can't hear): I think this boy is our guiding light, He makes Zim unsure tonight,  
  
Purple: Do you think we can trust him?  
  
Red: We can if he truly hates Zim.  
  
Zim: My Tallest?  
  
Red: We've come to a good conclusion, We think we shall choose him, Yes, go to his house and stay a while, Then bring him to Irk, he'll be your - floor tile?-  
  
Purple: TAKE HIM TO IRK!  
  
Red: GO TO HIS HOUSE!  
  
Purple: TAKE OVER SLOWLY!  
  
Red: DON'T TRY AND FIGHT!  
  
GIR: Why are you shouting? My head is pounding! And why haven't my tequitos arrived yet? Can't you see I'm already half dead?  
  
Red: Shut up, you strange thing!  
  
Purple: No, wait, we're sorry.  
  
Red: Yes, have some tuna, That should break even!  
  
GIR: Thank you, O Tallest, I ALSO WANT A CLOWN WITH NO HEAD!  
  
(Purple and Red look at each other : O.o )  
  
Purple: Zim's sidekick your tequitos we grant.  
  
Red: But no decapitated clown shall you have.  
  
GIR: NO CLOWN??!?!?!?!  
  
Zim: I think we've gone a little off the plot, GIR shut up, go clean that -uh- pot! Tallest are you sure that's what you request of me? Live with Dib my arch enemy?  
  
Purple: Yes, that's it, Zim!  
  
Red: Now, go do it!  
  
Purple: Soon we will call you!  
  
(Screen goes blank. The Tallest are seen together)  
  
Red: Now we have got him!  
  
Purple: All we have to do now, Is convert this Dib creature!  
  
Red: Man, this is perfect! Bring on the puppets!  
  
Purple: More drinks while you're at it!  
  
Red: Now we have got him!  
  
Both: NOW WE HAVE GOT HIM! HAH!!!!!  
  
(Curtain closes, and the audience boos and claps at the same time. What do you mean that don't make sense you grammatically bad monkey? I mean you boo because the Tallest are bad, but clap cos they're cool and so is Zim and GIR! DUH! Anyway, that's the first part of the Jesus Christ Superstar bit over, there is more in Act 2)  
  
Act One - Scene Four (Beauty and the Beast) - Outside Dib's house, Zim and GIR have a suitcase which holds a device that can transport them back to the base at any time. The curtains open with Zim ringing the doorbell and Gaz answering. Zim steps back scared, but GIR stands tall and looks warped:  
  
WHAT'S YOUR QUEST? (BE OUR GUEST)  
  
Gaz: What do you want? We don't want you here, With your stupid robot and so-false hair. I'll go get Dib - HEY DIB! It's Zim! Do what you want, Dad won't care, DAD! DINNER!  
  
Dib: What's your quest? What's your quest? What are you doing here with a smile of zest? Are you crazy, Zim, I hate you with a twist! I only want you dead! It's easy to be said, I hate you, Hate your guts, Why I'd love to see you as mush, And your stupid little robot would be next!  
  
Zim: I'm here to-  
  
Dib: I don't care! Don't just stare! Turn around and walk away! After all, Zim, this is Earth! And our vengeance here will never end! So go on, unleash your wrath! You'll only upset Gaz!  
  
What's your quest, what's your quest? What's your quest?  
  
Zim: I only want, Here to stay, Why with you, We can play, Like any normal Earthling children should!  
  
GIR: So, Dib-thing don't be rude, You are really crude!  
  
Dib: Now I don't know, don't go in, I'm not sure if this is a good day.  
  
Zim: If you're unsure, If your scared, Well, Dib, we haven't come prepared, We only want to stay here for a while!  
  
Dib: How long for, Zim?  
  
Zim: As long as I need! I mean- I'm just having problems with the kitchen, My kitchen sink is sprouting lichens!  
  
Dib: What's your quest, what's your quest? Come on, get it off your chest! Come in for tea, then we'll talk, We'll have soup, we'll have pork, And we can have a Crazy Taco carry-out too. It's a treat for Zim, So come on in.  
  
Zim: I have no quest, I have no quest, For Heaven's sakes, I only want a nest, So I can sleep, and have some well-earned rest. Tomorrow there's no Skool, We can act like fools,  
  
After dessert, we can play, Dress up GIR is what I say,  
  
GIR: Do you mean it? YAY YAY YAY!  
  
Dib: Don't take chances, I don't trust you.  
  
Zim: I didn't hear me ask you to. I won't do nought! Nope, no sort! I won't hurt a hair on your demented head, And I swear, I won't be a pain!  
  
Dib: Alright, come on through, Dinner's set for two, I'll get another plate, And we can wait for the tacos. But that GIR thing sits on the floor, I don't ask for anymore, What's your quest? What's your quest? What's your quest?  
  
Zim: Why do you keep on asking, It isn't much that is being hassling, I'm just a soul with a skin condition. You just have an active imagination, Pretending you see me as another thing.  
  
A while we've been fighting, Needing friends each, yet we're fighting, Can't you see the chemistry in that? You, me, GIR and Gaz, We can be one big spaz, In your house! In your house! IN YOUR HOUSE!!!!  
  
Dib (sighs): Ok, ok.  
  
BIG HEAD AND THE IRKEN (BEAUTY AND THE BEAST)  
  
(Zim, Dib and Gaz talk solemnly over dinner and GIR watches from the floor, having well finished his tacos. He burps and watches the two enemies talking idly. Are they bonding? Will GIR be left out?)  
  
GIR: Pear as old as lime, Mouldy as it can be, How can they be friends? When before they'd chase each other to the ends- Of the galaxies.  
  
This is a big change, Even for me, I may be very thick, But I just don't trust Dib, Big head and the Irk.  
  
Never will be the same, Never again a surprise Never will be as before, Never will be sure, If this sun don't rise!  
  
I know this don't make sense, But I just don't like this, I have a feeling the- Almighty Tallest, Have a say in this.  
  
Dib is just a fool, Giving into them, Pear as old as lime, Both as old as time, Big Head and the Irken.  
  
Pear as old as lime, Both as old as time, Big Head and the Irken.  
  
(spoken) Off to the cupboard with you now, Pig. It's past your bedtime. Good night, love.  
  
Big Head and the Irk.  
  
(Suddenly GIR jumps on Dib's head as he is jealous, and Dib runs upstairs, Zim and Gaz following them. Gaz looks ready to pounce and Zim gets scared - Les Miserables)  
  
NOT ON MY BROTHER DO YOU POUND (NOT IN MY CASTLE ON A CLOUD)  
  
Gaz: Get off, you stupid robot, Off Dib's head! Or I will send you- To your last bed! Jump off him now, And cease your fists! Not on my brother do you pound!  
  
Zim: Gaz, calm down, uncurl your fists, You might just strain your wrists, Let them fight it out, it's not worth it, GIR won't for long on your brother pound.  
  
Dib: Gaz, help me, this is insane! Get this robot of my head! It may be quite large, but it is MY head! Not on Gaz's brother do you pound!  
  
GIR: There may be a plot here somewhere in you, Dib and I'll find out where it's at, I'm sure I had sixty-three tacos, But now I have only sixty-two! So tell me now, Gaz, not on your brother to pound!  
  
Gaz: GIR, please forgive me, I will help, Nobody steals someone else's food, Especially not from a defenseless robot, GIR, on my brother may you pound.  
  
(Curtain falls. Rises again with only Dib in the room, who straightens himself out and walks over to the TV. His favourite show, "Mysterious Mysteries of Strange Mystery" is on, but suddenly a picture of the Almighty Tallest drinking Space Soda appears (Jesus Christ Superstar again):  
  
DAMNED FOR ALL TIME / IRK MONNIES (DAMNED FOR ALL TIME/BLOOD MONEY)  
  
Dib: AAAARGHHH! The Almighty Tallest of Irk!!!  
  
Red: Where? WHERE??!?? TELL ME!!!!  
  
Purple: Uh, we're the Almighty Tallest.  
  
Red: Oh. I knew that.  
  
Dib: What do you want?  
  
Red: I don't know, what do we - right! YES!  
  
Purple: You know what we want, Dib. What do you say?  
  
Dib: Why should I help you in your own problems? For all I know you're on Earth too! I really don't know what the right thing is to do! Zim is insane, so is GIR, but you, I trust Zim more than you! Look at your bound bellies and your creepy eyes, I really amn't now so sure! Just don't say I'm- Damned for all time!  
  
You're only speaking to me cos I'm the only one who knows, Your disgrace is ruining your cause! But Zim is evil, so why don't you want him? What did he do that makes you want him dead? I really amn't now so sure! Just don't say I'm- Damned for all time!  
  
Red, you look like you know your stuff, Purple you look like you sympathise, Why are you bothered 'bout one little Irken, A little bit crazy, but he loves what he does! I know I want a reward, Tallest, I didn't come here to help you freely, But I really amn't so sure now, Just don't say I'm- Damned for all time!  
  
Red: Cut the protesting, forget the excuses, We want the juice, Dib, get off of the floor.  
  
Purple: We have the right as his Tallest to arrest him, Tell us his movements and we'll leave Earth alone.  
  
Red: Your own help in this matter won't go unrewarded.  
  
Purple: We'll give you monnies, if you give us Zim, We just need to know where we can find him  
  
Red: With no Pigs, Humans or Squirrels around him.  
  
Purple: Yes, then we can't fail!  
  
Dib: I don't need your Irk Monnies!  
  
Red: I think you do, Dib! Our expenses are good!  
  
Dib: I don't want your Blood Monnies!  
  
Purple: We want you to take it - We hope that you would.  
  
Red: Think of the stuff you can buy with the monnies! Make new inventions, over-take Super Toast! We've seen your motives, we're impressed by you, boy. This isn't Blood Monnies - it's us paying you, Paying you, paying a fee!  
  
Dib (gasping): On Sunday night you'll find him where you want him- Far from the Piggies in the Park of Garthsamoony . . .  
  
Purple(laughing): Good old Dib.  
  
Red: Well done Dib.  
  
(the tv turns off and Dib falls to the floor as the curtain falls)  
  
-END OF ACT ONE-  
  
WHAT DID YOU THINK??? REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	2. Act Two

Author's Note: I like this game. It's fun. That's all I'd like to say. I LOVE EARTH! I'm not secretly helping Zim and GIR destroy it or anything . . .  
  
ACT TWO :  
  
Zim and GIR duet- Public Park - Do you hear the Irken's laugh? - Performed by Zim and GIR  
  
Zim knows- Public Park -Strange Zim, Mystifying- Performed by Dib, Gaz and Zim  
  
Super Toast - Prof Membrane's lab - I dreamed a toast - Performed by Prof. Membrane and Dib  
  
Garthsamoony - Garden of Garthsamoony - I only want to kill - Performed by Zim, GIR, Dib  
  
Purple Tallest - Planet Irk, Purple Tallest's quarters - Tallest Song - Performed by Purple Tallest, Zim  
  
Red Tallest - Planet Irk, Red Tallest's quarters - At last we have him/Irk Jeering - Peformed by Red Tallest and Zim  
  
GIR's denial - Earth, Zim's Lair - I don't know the taco man! - Performed by GIR, Gaz, Professor Membrane, Red Tallest, Purple Tallest  
  
Dib's Death/Zim is Saved- Zim's Lair - I'm crazy - Performed by Dib  
  
GIR alone again - In front of TV with tacos - Not the same - Performed by GIR  
  
The Never-Ending Ending that never Ends. Not even when the End has Ended will the Ending End - Zim's lair - Evil Zim - Performed by the whole cast.  
OPERATION IMPENDING DOOM - THE MUSICAL  
  
Act Two - Scene One (Les Miserables)- A public park on the way to Garthsamoony. GIR, Gaz, Zim and Dib are walking along the path. Dib asks what Irkens actually do, but Gaz doesn't notice as she is too embossed in her GameSlave.  
  
DO YOU HEAR THE IRKENS LAUGH?  
  
Dib: So what do you Irken freaks do? Where did you come from? What's YOUR story, Zim?  
  
Zim: Do you hear the Irken's laugh? Laughing at your foolishness- Why, Dib, do you really expect me to tell you that, You must think I'm a spaz! I'm longing for the day, When the beating of your heart Stops and then your enormous head explodes!  
  
Dib: HEY!  
  
GIR: Zim it is only fair, We burdened Dib with us, We Irkens formed many years ago, AND THEN ALONG CAME US!  
  
Zim: I happened once to -uh- slip up, And destroyed the planet, oui.  
  
GIR: And it went KABOOM!  
  
Zim: Do you hear the Irken's laugh? Now that I am so close, So close to holding the trophy Earth, Right in my claw-like hands! The Tallest will be proud, And your people will be doomed, Yes, Dib, surely I will be crowned!  
  
GIR: But you're the smallest! You're VERY INCY WINCY TINY!  
  
AND THE TALLEST HATE YOU!  
  
Zim: LIES! LIES!!!! WHEN WILL THE LIES END????  
  
GIR: Accept it, Zim. The Tallest both hate you!  
  
Zim: Well, perhaps Purple-  
  
GIR: Can you hear the Irkens laugh? Zim, they're laughing right at you, You just can't see, you don't want to believe, That the Tallest don't love you!  
  
Zim: But they told me to conquer Earth!  
  
GIR: They thought the flight would cancel your birth! Zim, Dib's going to betray you, now, Right now, TODAY!!  
  
Zim: I know.  
  
(Curtain closes and audience is hushed in awe. HUSHED IN AWE!!!!!!!!)  
  
STRANGE ZIM, MYSTIFYING (JSC again)  
  
Dib: It seems to me you're strange, Zim - mystifying - That you knew about the Tallest yet you kept it all inside, But now I will expose you for the alien you are! And your leaders they will have you, there's nowhere to hide!  
  
It's not that I object to your stupidity, God knows if it's helped me bring you down! It doesn't help you to run from your inevitable destiny, But I respect you cos you tried!  
  
Zim: Who are you to criticize me? Who are you to despise me? Leave me, leave me, leave me be now, Leave me, leave me, I am done now! But just let me have one thing seen - I cannot stand- The things will never be done that I had planned! Just promise me one this Dib, destroy my latest machine- The ingenious that would rule the world, and it would! Not that you care, whether I come or GO!  
  
Dib: No! I will! I'll destroy it! You mark my words!  
  
Gaz: Wow now what's going on now, Dib what have you done, What on Earth would dad say - oh - you've let him down, Live and let live, that's what you always said, Zim never actually killed anyone no! No no no. Now leave and let Zim enjoy, His time left in freedom, go get your boys!  
  
Dib: I'll bring the Tallest alright, he deserves everything he gets!  
  
(Dib turns to leave and walks forward angrily and sees Zim sit down sadly, and stops)  
  
Gaz: Try not to get sad, Zim, things could be worse, It could be me that was killing you yeah, ha ha ha! Everything's ok, be careful what you say, When the Tallest try you -oh- whoever they are! For the fire in your brain and feet, You really need to get some sleep, If you try, you'll get by, so forget all about Irk tonight!  
  
Zim: It's not that easy, no it's not that easy!  
  
Dib (to himself so Zim can't hear) : Please Zim, forgive me, I didn't mean to be really so nasty, Why has your life been wasted, you would never have managed- To destroy Earth, no matter how much you tried! What have I done, it must be finished now! I can't back out, no! SO HERE I GO!  
  
(Dib turns and walks away to communicate with the Tallest)  
  
Gaz: Just try and sleep, Zim, try get some sleep, Think of the good times you had, you sure had some, Think of your laughs with GIR, glad he ain't a SIR, Oh, whatever they are!  
  
(Gaz lies down to sleep and GIR walks up to Zim and pats him on the shoulder and lies down near him. Curtain falls.)  
  
RANDOM SCENE - I DREAMED A TOAST  
  
(Meanwhile, in Professor Membrane's toast invention is finished!)  
  
Membrane: I dreamed a toast would fill the skies, That people would look up and see it smiling, Like on that screensaver I always loved! With the toasters with wings and the toast was flying!  
  
Since the moment I saw it my head just buzzed! And I thought how great it would be if there was one, A toast that made you so high like a kite! Like a bird in the sky like you were flying!  
  
But it took many days and nights, For my dream to be accomplished! But now it's done, finally, at last! And I'll put those other scientists to SHAME!  
  
And still I wonder what would have been, If it hadn't been for the screensaver! I wonder if I'd make instead a super Mr Sheen! And then perhaps a franchise of the weather!  
  
I had a dream I'd make a toast!  
  
Dib: Uh, dad, you ok?  
  
Membrane: That would make simple people's lives worth living! So it would make the civilians seem- They were eating the very toast, I dreamed!  
  
Dib: Dad? DAD? Oh it doesn't matter. Nothing does.  
  
(Curtain falls and reopens with Zim, Gaz and GIR sleeping in the garden of Garthsamoony.)  
  
THE GARDEN OF GARTHSAMOONY - I ONLY WANT TO KILL  
  
Zim: I only want to kill, And if it is your will, Leave me here, where I have freedom, for I don't want to taste Irk's poison! Let it burn me, for I now know, How much they hate me!  
  
First I was dead inspired, Now, I'm sad and retired, Listen Tallest I am sorry! Please forgive me, please spare me! Could you ask as much as I have done from any other Irk?  
  
But if I die, See that you're appeased with my never ending sores, See that I serve you till I am bleeding to my bones! I wanna know, I wanna know my Tallest! I wanna see, I wanna see my Tallest! Why I should die!  
  
Would I be less hated than I ever was before? Would the Irks feel bad for me now that I was sore? Id have to know, I'd have to know my Tallest! I'd have to see, I'd have to see my Tallest!  
  
If I die what will be my reward? Is my death more than I can afford? WHY SHOULD I DIE?  
  
Can you show me now that I won't be killed in vain, Can you show me now I won't immediately be rendered "insane"? Show me there's a reason why I actually should die!  
  
ALRIGHT! I'll die! Oh! Just watch - just watch me die!  
  
SEE how I die!  
  
(Zim slumps forward and he breathes heavily then lifts his head up to the sky, where the Tallest's space ship can be seen far away)  
  
Zim: Then, I was dead inspired, Now, I'm sad and retired, Listen Tallest I am sorry! I am sorry! Please forgive me, please spare me!  
  
Why am I so scared when I knew, When you knew - you didn't tell me! GOD! I could have changed! I could be less deranged-  
  
But I guess we'll never know! I will drink your cup of poisoned soda! Nail me to your snack tray, And break me.  
  
Bleed me, pummel me, kill me, Take me now.  
  
BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND!  
  
(Dib sneaks up on Zim and he turns his head, still kneeling on the ground. Gaz wakes up and stands beside Dib)  
  
Dib: There you are, and GIR's asleep - the fool!  
  
Zim: Dib, take me now, leave him be!  
  
GIR: Where's the tacos? Where's the tacos at? Where's the tacos? Where's the tacos at?  
  
(realises his master is in trouble)  
  
GIR: Hang on, Zim! I'm gonna fight for you! Hang on, Zim, I'm gonna fight for you!  
  
(GIR jumps onto Dib's head screaming Piggy!)  
  
Zim: GIR, get off his head! Don't you know that it's all over! It was fun, but now we're done. Come on Dib, let's leave the robot, He can stay here and have fun.  
  
(Dib grabs Zim's arm and pulls him up and drags him over to the spaceship. Gaz picks up GIR anyway and carries him while he screams at Dib's head, still thinking it is a Piggy. Curtain closes)  
  
Act Two - Scene Two (Jesus Christ Superstar - there's a lot of that, huh?) - In the Purple Tallest's quarters, Red is away talking to Gaz, Dib and GIR. Zim is alone with Purple guy.  
  
PURPLE AND ZIM  
  
Purple: Zim I am over-joyed to see you in disgrace, You've been lots of trouble, y'know, always in our hair, We would have killed you sooner but we thought we'd give you a chance, But we really knew you'd fail without really giving a glance.  
  
So you are the Zim, yes Invader Zim! You spoiled Impending Doom number one, You were always the smallest Irken in the world, What a shame you never got to see Impending Doom 2's end.  
  
Zim: I can assure you it will be as bad as the first one, For although you blame me, and it's true, I nearly did blow up the planet, but I think you knew- You wanted publicity so you encouraged-  
  
Purple: I will not listen to your lies! Zim I'm trying to help you, I don't really want you to die! If you can prove you're not a fool, I'll let you come back to Irk, Or if you don't want that, we can send you straight to Earth!  
  
I think you've grown accustomed to the strange ways of humans! I think you rather like them, Zim. Am I right? So fess up, what's wrong, I don't have that long, Come on, Zim of the Irks!  
  
Zim: I'll say nothing to you, Nothing until I have a fair trial.  
  
Purple: Hey! Are you trying to scare me Zim? Mr Wonderful Zim, Who couldn't conquer a measly planet at the end of a map! I'll send you to Red, cos I'm going to bed! So long, Zim of the Irks!  
  
(Two guards come in and take Zim away as the curtain falls)  
  
AT LAST WE HAVE HIM / IRK JEERING  
  
(Zim is thrown onto the floor in the main interrogation room, where Gaz, Dib and GIR are already seated in stalls with an angry mob of Irken's booing, out of Zim's reach. He is made to lie on the floor in front of Red)  
  
Red: And so here's Zim, Once again, he's home.  
  
We turn to you, Zim, our smallest Irk! We turn to you, your Irkens want you dead! We turn to you, did you hear what I said? They want you dead, Zim! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?  
  
Talk to me, Zim the Irken, You have been brought here, chained up, beaten, Wanted dead by your own people, do you know why you deserve it?  
  
Listen, Zim from Earth! Where is your home! Look at me - am I your friend?  
  
Zim: I have no home in this Universe, I'm through, through, through!  
  
Mob: Talk to us, you idiot!  
  
Zim: There may be a home for me somewhere, If I only knew!  
  
Red: Are you Invader Zim?  
  
Zim: That's who you say I am! I asked for a chance - what did I do wrong?  
  
Red: I'll ask the questions, worm! You did lots wrong, For one thing you keep interrupting my song!  
  
Mob: Make him serve you!  
  
Red: What do you mean? You mean Zim?  
  
Mob: We do not want him! Make him serve you!  
  
Red: Who of you has he wronged?  
  
Mob: We do not want him! Make him serve you!  
  
Red: I'm beginning to see no reason, But before I did, so why now- Zim's just misguided, and a little crazy! But you keep you animals ready you may jeer him!  
  
Mob: Make him serve you!  
  
(Irkens throw random insults at Zim and throw stuff at him. Red catches a Space Soda and glugs it down)  
  
Red: Ah - oh - sorry, I was thirsty!  
  
Where is your home, Invader? What do you want, Zim? Tell me! You've got to be careful - you could be dead soon - could well be!  
  
(Someone throws a brick and it lands on Zim's head and knocks him of his knees so he lies on his back dazed. Red Tallest kneels down and holds Zim's head in his lap)  
  
Red: Why do you say nothing when I have your life in your hands? How can you stay quiet? I don't believe you understand!  
  
(Red puts Zim's head on the floor as he has closed his eyes and turned his head away, and walks over to the mob, but then-)  
  
Zim (roughly and very quietly): You have nothing in your hands. Any power you have was given to you because of your height, You snack obsessed, bad leader!  
  
Red (hisses): You're a fool, now Zim! How can I help you?  
  
Mob: TALLEST! MAKE HIM SERVE YOU! Remember Purple, you know he hates Zim, There'll be a fight, so make him serve you! Remember Purple, you know he wants Zim dead, He'll argue with you, make him serve you! MAKE HIM SERVE YOU!  
  
Red: Don't let me stop you, your great demolition! DIE if you want to, you misguided Invader! I wash my hands and will eat what you serve me! DIE IF YOU WANT TO, YOU INNOCENT PUPPET YAY! I LOVE PUPPETS! I mean - ahem!  
  
(As the curtain closes, Zim lets his head drop to the floor, and GIR screams "I LOVE-ED YOU, ZIMMY! I LOVE-ED YOOOUUU!)  
  
Act Two - Scene Three (Jesus Christ Superstar again) - Zim is sentenced to serving the Almighty Tallest forever with no eat, drink or sleep for him, so he will die very quickly and without any dignity. Dib, GIR and Gaz return to Earth and go to Zim's lair so Dib can destroy the weapon like he promised Zim. The Almighty Tallest are on screen with a very tired looking Zim in the background.  
  
GIR'S DENIAL  
  
Professor Membrane : Hey kids, just came down to see how you were doing, Hey! That's the dog that was with that green kid I've seen before!  
  
GIR: You've got the wrong dog, lady! I don't know Zim! And I wasn't where he was tonight, never near him, nope.  
  
Purple (sneering): That's strange for I am sure I saw you with him! You were screaming you were on his side, and yet you denied-  
  
GIR: I tell you I was never ever with Zim!  
  
Red: Ah, but I saw you too. It looked just like you!  
  
GIR: I DON'T KNOW THE TACO MAN! I mean - ZIM!  
  
(Zim suddenly looks very sad on the screen)  
  
Gaz: GIR, don't you know what you have said? You've gone and cut Zim dead! Cool!  
  
GIR: I'm sorry, I had to do it, don't you see? Or else they'd go for me!  
  
Gaz: It's what I thought that you would do! I wonder how I knew? Hee hee. Cool.  
  
DIB'S DEATH/ZIM IS SAVED  
  
Dib: My God! I saw him - he looked three quarters and a fifth and a smidget of a sixth dead! And he was so bad I had to attempt to turn my abnormally large head! They beat him so hard that he was bent and lame! And I know who everybody's going to blame - I'm going insane!  
  
I don't believe he knows I acted for Earth's good! But I'm sorry, I'd save you if I could!  
  
Hang on - if I - I could - save Zim!  
  
Purple: Cut the confessions, forget the excuses! I don't get why you're filled with remorse! All that you've said has come true with a vengeance, Now people believe you, you backed the right cause!  
  
Red: What you have done will be the saving of - uh - Earth? You'll be remembered forever for this! And not only that you've been paid for your efforts! Pretty good wages for only this (points to Zim).  
  
Dib: ZIM! I know you can hear me! But I swear I'll now save you, Zim! I'll sell out the nation! Or else I'd be saddled with the murder of you!  
  
I would be spattered by innocent blood! I would be dragged through Earth's slime and it's mud!  
  
I - don't know how to save him! I don't know why he moves me! He's an Irk! He's just an Irk! He's not my friend - he's just the same! As any normal alien!  
  
He scares me so!  
  
Now I know what I must d-do! I'll do not one thing right but two! Tallest say your prayers, disobey me if you dare!  
  
Release Zim now! Send him back here! Or else I'll shoot this here weapon at you! Don't raise you're eyebrows, you know I will do!  
  
My head is darkness now - Zim, you have been used, Now with my death, you will be excused.  
  
(Dib climbs the stepladder to the weapon capsule)  
  
Dib: I'll malfunction it all, it'll blow me to The ends of the Earth, Gaz come with me too! I don't wanna do this alone! Zim this is for you, protect this zone!  
  
Zim(croaking): NO!  
  
Dib: It has to be done. Almighty Tallest - Do you give in to my demands? Send Zim in a private pod to this place! And I will spare your lives - and take mine.  
  
Red: Well, ok. I don't really care.  
  
Purple: Yeah! As long as we never see Zim again!  
  
Red: Very well, Dib - creature, we will grant your request, I must just ask, why do you have to have death?  
  
(Dib has just finished sabotaging the weapon)  
  
Dib: What? Oh, uh, I didn't really think-  
  
---------(KABOWM!(--------  
  
ON MY OWN  
  
(The explosion leaves a mound of rubble, which all seems to fall around GIR who is left unscathed. He walks up to the screen and sees the Irken space fleet release a pod in Earth's direction)  
  
GIR: On my own, Pretending Zim's beside me. He will be soon, For Dib gave his life for him. I guess he wasn't so bad, Cos he saved my taco supplier!  
  
But now I'm all alone until, He comes back all tired.  
  
On my own, Pretending Dib is next to me, I'd say damn, I wish you hadn't have died. Then he'd go crazy, and I would jump on his head, Cos it is like a Piggy but I'm going off the subject!  
  
And I know Dib will always be on Zim's mind, And Gaz too I suppose even though she was scary. I'm alone! Will no one sing with me?  
  
(Weak voice from the rubble)  
  
Dib: I will! I'm alive!  
  
GIR: Oh rejoice! Now go out and get me a taco! I'll find Gaz, Come back when you have got some, Mind you owe me, for that one that you stole from me! I haven't forgotten, Dib so make it sixty - three!  
  
(Dib leaves in the huff, completely covered in dust. GIR walks over to the debris and immediately pulls out Gaz, who takes the GameSlave out of her pocket and plays it as usual)  
  
GIR: Not on my own, Especially when I see Zimmy. Not on my own, When I get my tacos. It's a good end, To the perfect story!  
  
Gaz: Just pray that Julie doesn't write- Anymore musicals about me!  
  
Julie: Watch it Gaz, or I'll-  
  
Gaz: You'll what?  
  
Julie: CRY!  
  
GIR: EXCUSE ME THIS IS MY SONG!  
  
Julie (bows down and worships): Sorry GIR, Almighty One!  
  
Gaz: Man, she's weird. She'd get on with Zim.  
  
Julie: YOU MEAN IT?  
  
GIR (Kills Julie): Look here Zim is now!)  
  
CRAZY ZIM (REPRISE)  
  
Zim : EARTH ! EARTH ! HAHAHHAHAHAHA! HOME! I mean- I'm so weary, GIR, I think I may be fading, If only Dib were here, were here, to see me. But he's dead now, he died to save my own ass.  
  
Dib: Don't be so sure I'm dead, But thanks for putting it so nicely!  
  
Zim: DIB!  
  
GIR: TACOOOOOS!!!!!!!! How many are there?  
  
Dib: Zim! Uh - what?  
  
GIR: TACOS? HOW MANY TACOS ARE THERE?  
  
Dib: Sixty-three!  
  
GIR: NO CLOWN?!??!?!?!  
  
(GIR jumps on Dib's crazy head and Zim laughs and Gaz plays her GameSlave. Everything is going back to normal as if it never happened. Wasn't that fun?)  
  
Don't worry. Zim and Dib fought over the last taco and became enemies again.  
  
GIR never got his clown.  
  
The End.  
  
ONE LAST SONG  
  
GIR: Everytime you tell me things I don't understand- What the hell is going on, I must be damned! Simple explanations to your impossible plans, Why'd we come to kill the Dib in such a strange land? But Master you are the boss even though it's obvious, What an adventure we had today, but now its all bland!  
  
Squirrel Chorus: Crazy Zim, Crazy Zim, What are you, stupid? You must be really dim! Crazy Zim - "Invader Zim" - Do you really think that's who you are?  
  
GIR: Tell me if you think my chirpy friends are wrong, I just think that they're really enjoying this song! Seriously, sir, I'm your only friend! Why would I lie if it meant my own end? Do you want us to die? Is this all a joke, or Are you stupider than me and think the Tallest think you're cool?  
  
Squirrel Chorus repeats.  
  
Dib: Zim you really truly a lost cause, Why I almost want to kick you in the ba - nose!  
  
Gaz: I didn't get this plot at all, what's up? Did anyone tell the writer that she sucks?  
  
Julie: Shut up Gaz I'm just about as scary as you, Add a bit of Dib, GIR and Zim, that's who I am, You don't want to go messing with the Niksnad clan! Wooahhhh! Grrrrr- TACOS!  
  
GIR: Hey, that's my line!  
  
Membrane: I only got one song in this whole production! Don't the writer know that I am an expert?  
  
Julie: Course I did but I didn't want to over-long it I mean even this song is making it about a page longer!  
  
Zim: Well I need my bed, all the tacos are finished, GET OUT OF MY BASE - HOUSE!  
  
All: Awwwwww! Just one more chorus?  
  
Zim: Oh, very well. But hurry up with it! My Teddy awaits! It will be magical!  
  
All: Crazy Zim, crazy Zim, What are you, stupid? You must be really dim! Crazy Zim, crazy Zim, Oops wrong line, I mean - Zim, Zim, ZIIIIIIIIM!  
  
Zim: GET OUT!!!!!!!!  
  
GIR: I don't wanna! Ok!  
  
Zim: No, no, not YOU, GIR! You live here!  
  
GIR: I don't wanna! Ok!  
  
Zim: Now, come on, I've got you some more tooth-  
  
GIR: WHAT IS IT?  
  
Zim: Some new too-  
  
GIR: WHAT IS IT????  
  
Zim: Some new toothpa-  
  
GIR: WHAT IS ITT??????!?!?!?!??!!?  
  
Zim: Some new toothpaste, GIR. It's your supper.  
  
GIR: Will the 'sploding hurt?  
  
Zim: GAAAAAAAAARGHHH!!!  
  
The End. At last.  
  
GIR: One more chorus?  
  
Zim and Writer: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
GIR: TACQUITOS! AND A CLOWN WITH NO HEAD!  
  
Julie: Well I'm up for tacquitos. Not that clown thing, though. I'm scared of clowns. That's actually a ver interesting-  
  
GIR: NO CLOWN????  
  
Zim: GIR! Stuff a tacquito down that daft eejit's throat!  
  
Julie: WHY? Tell me now! YAY!!!!  
  
GIR: YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!  
  
Zim: Hey, I thought I told that bloody writer to get out?  
  
GIR: No you didn't!  
  
Zim: Yes, I did!  
  
GIR: No you didn't!  
  
Zim: What? Oh - uh - yes, yes, I DID!  
  
Julie: I'm bored. Bye!  
  
(Julie wanders off bored)  
  
Zim: Thank God. Wanna watch the monkey?  
  
GIR: YAY! AND A CLOWN WITH NO HEAD!!!!  
  
Zim: WHEN WILL IT END???????!?!!??!?!??!  
  
The End. Now. RIGHT NOW. Maybe. Sorta. Please?  
  
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! INGENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
BYE BYE!  
  
END!  
  
---Look out for the sequel to Impending Doom - The Musical---  
  
Zim: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Julie: Hee hee. I love doing that.  
  
END! 


End file.
